Since first subject started last October, i didn't manage to make my full notes during the lectures. But my friend, who is my neighbour and my coursemate, can. Then after christmas holiday and i came back from Malaysia. Both of us share the same 3rd subject again. This time i'm better in making my notes (also largely due to it's involved the studies i have interest in and many thanks to the good course-governer/lecturer).
1) During that time, the first time i asked her about the first subject's notes borrowing. In principle, she said ok. But she was using it, she claimed. Then she told me to ask again when she finished revising on that subject. I agreed.
2) She took quite a long time, until we moved on to the 4th subject. This time we were parted. While i was busy with my coursework for this subject. She came and told me i could borrow from her now. But i really have no time to start revising on that subject while i totally lost the pace in this final 4th subject. It's meaningless to have it. Therefore I asked her whether i could borrow it later when i finish this course. She was not so happy and can't give assurance or guarantee.
3) Ok. Finally, i've done with all my final coursework (computer project) and German language tests. By that time the term ended, our Easter holiday starts to kick in. Now i want to start my revision on the first subject. Again, i called her up one afternoon, and wanted to talk about borrowing, she said 'I'm busy!' and shut me up without giving proper reason (or even excuse) on what she's busying at. I was irritated. I hate people, especially who i consider as friend being insincere and not honest by giving me excuse to muddle through (敷衍）me. If she told me she was using it or want to use it that night perhaps i could understand. But when i asked her, she said she didn't use and not using. When I offered myself to collect it at her door, she kept on saying 'I'm busy! no time!' and hung up... it's been such a long time i have no friend really treat me like this impolite. I was angry…really angry…grrr…
4) Later the next day, when we have our regular dinner (kitchen group) meeting, she handed the notes over to me, but ‘warned’ me that I could only use it for ONE DAY. I already ‘put off’ my fire, and asked her what happened to her yesterday. She said she’s just busy studying, didn’t like people disturbing… She implied that, when she said she’s busy, she’s studying…. Oh then only I understood bout her term used. I don’t ever know her ‘busy is only equate to studying’. She also mentioned that, even though she was not directly using it, she needed it for ‘cross-referencing’ (wow… what a nice word). I lamented her on that point, how come she couldn’t spend just few seconds explicitly said that and explained to me, so that I don’t feel insulted? Dave also joined in, said that she was selfish, coz she is only willing to lend me in less than 24 hours (even Library short loan couldn’t be any shorter than this). She rebutted, saying that no one can ask her to change or affect her study timetable, she MUST study according to her own schedule. Fair enough, she couldn’t just give me few lecture notes in parts (even I offer myself to give it back to her immediately to her room when she needs it), don’t allow me to photocopy her notes (scared that I will spoil her notes). I am speechless… damn, I said to myself, this is really really the last time I would borrow anything from her.
5) That night/day I was rushing like hell… could only manage to finish 6 lectures (12 hours of lectures), but only 1/3 of the whole subject. And then I returned it to her on time in the next dinner meeting (that was Tuesday). I was waiting the next time. She told me to ask her again on Saturday ‘night’. I said ok.
6) On Saturday, I called. She said cannot, tomorrow. I said ok lor (what to do?). On Sunday, I called again, she said she’s still using it, tomorrow again…
7) And today I called her around dinner time (7.30pm), she was angry… she meant that her ‘night’ is ‘after midnight’, asked me to take it from her that time. I couldn’t stand all her ‘weird’ definition of the term she used.
I caught fire again… Almost burst… (ok… after I am writing so much, I feel much better…) We shall see the next episode ‘tonight’… But if she didn’t keep her words again, I’ll tell her to eat her own notes!!! (it’s not like I don’t borrow I’ll die)
UPDATE on 1.07am
Finally, she lent it to me. At last she kept her word. As a true friend, keep a promise to me is very important. : ) Be frank and honest, is equally important too.
So, u guys know the way to upset me liao... haha, better don't if u r my friend~ :P
5 comments:
Hey... No insult, no judgement, everything below is my 'humble' opinion. May be you will disagree with me now, under all the exam stress.. but look back at my post again after exams, and you will understand better. =)
1. I'm sure if I were her, and I see your blog, I'll swear never to borrow any notes to you, ever. It is a good deed. There is no obligation to her that she has to borrow her notes to you.
2. I'm sure she still cares about your friendship. Otherwise, she would just tell you off, saying that she is not going to borrow her notes to you at all, as it is critical time for exams. (Main reason that i can think of is, she doesn't want to remember who she borrowed the notes to, which part did she borrow, when she is concentrating on revision. The last thing she need is to lose her notes before exams).
3. She wouldn't allow you to photocopy them is may be because it is 'intelligent property'. It is her notes, and she has every rights over it. It is not a publication/magazines, it is personal.
4. And also, she did offer to lend you the notes when they were available, but you were busy. But you could have taken them and just copy down the important parts/ photocopy if she allows.
5. Finally, you should regard her lecture notes as a 'bonus'. As you said, you wouldn't die if you dont have them. You should try to rely on your own notes fundamentally, and i'm sure you did record all the lectures vocally. That way, the situation would be less tense, as you are less desperate for the notes.
Last point, I still think she will be kind enough, or probably she should, borrow the notes to you, for the sake of friendship, for the sake of helping a friend who really needs the notes to prepare for finals.
Personality wise, everyone is different. No one can fully understand how others behave. And no one can keep every promise. It is about accepting the difference, and tolerating each other.
That's all for now... Cheers and good luck for your exams!
Yours sincerely,
Andy
It's not about whether she lends me the notes or not... the point is, she must be honest enough, tell me straight what she thinks, instead of hiding and giving me excuses... it's about sincerity to express ur thinking to ur dear friend.
U know i hate ppl being fake. If she doesn't feel like lending me notes, why didn't she tell me straight away?
when u want to do something, pls do it sincerely... if u don't want, u must say it explicitly instead of doing something else to show u r not actually willing to do that and may have insulted someone in the end
Well, also i didn't explicitly saying who is that... also mean to protect someone's name.
I'll bring her to discussion bout how i felt after exam. As u said, it's all subjected to your interpretation on this case, maybe no absolute right or wrong... here i only want to express my feelings mah, something she should know also.
So, hope u get my points clear.
i think 'expressing feeling indirectly' doesn't mean 'dishonest' or 'not sincere'. different people got their different ways to express themselves. we should not expect everyone doing the same thing (no matter how close or how good you are with them), oherwise this would be a boring world.
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