Monday, February 27, 2006

关怀方式

以你期望别人如何对待你的方式对待别人- -把关怀身边的人当作一种习惯,那么你就不计较谁付出的比较多。如果你倒过来想是不行的-- 不能期望自己为别人做出了什么后,别人就一定会以相等的,若不是更多的,‘回报’你。那是一种得与失的观念。我发现,从我过去的经验和朋友的经验得出来告诉我,常计较得与失的人不会活得开心,即使得到了,只享有短暂的喜悦,过后就忧心忡忡地设法确保这些得到的不会再失去。

其实,我想说 的,不只是这些。每人都有自己的一套关心人的方式,也有喜欢别人如何关心你的方式。比如说,我,认为自己是个言语上比较木纳笨拙的人,不善于用说话的方式 关心别人。所以,大多数时候我都习惯以行动证明我对朋友的关怀和诚意。这可算是一种方式。然而,我不会拒绝别人的关心,不过我坚持保有我个人的隐私权。有 时,我不明白为何我的屋友可以把每一个小时就过来看你正做着什么(一小时只是表示频密的程度),兴致勃勃听你到底在与谁通电话,看到底又有谁寄卡片或信件 给我,看我到底正与谁在MSN通讯着等等当作是一种关怀方式。我认为,关怀别人应以对方的意愿为出发点,这样才能显得出有关怀的意义。毕竟,你关怀别人,是希望他/她过得更好,更开心,而不是造成更多的烦恼和负担。我不能说,我的屋友的关怀方式是错的,但是却希望他们能明白我的想法--不 是说我不愿分享,也不是因为不信任他们,只是每个人心中总有秘密。尊重别人的意愿是必需学习的,若不是到了非不可的地步,别强人所难。我了解,不少人或多 或少都有‘八卦’的本性的。可是,总该有个界线吧?若真的想分享,我是不介意说出来的。难道我不可以拥有不被过问,不被监视的自由吗?现在我拥有个人房反 而不比去年自由。开始怀念我与去年的室友锦荣(Jin Rong)的 相处方式。也许基于家庭背景吧,家人很少过问各自的私人生活(但这不代表我们的感情不好,没有互相关怀)。所以,我不能习惯如今我的亲爱的屋友们的关怀方 式。有时,想对他们说的是,我知道他们一直很关心我身边有很多异性朋友但至今仍没有女朋友这事实,但是总不能为我配对吧?我的生活,我的友情爱情,难道我 就没有选择权?

如果有人解读这文章为我与如今的屋友们不和,对不起,你错了。只是想抒发个人的想法而已。

Sunday, February 19, 2006

考试症候群

考试的紧张情绪暂时告一段落。大约在倒数不到两个半月的时间后,另外两张更加具有挑战性的不同科目考试来临。经过了这次两个科目的考试,我想,差不多大势已去了-也许在Imperial继续念第四年Master Year的梦想幻灭。这次,坦白说,并没有很大的突破,成绩估计不会达到让我有机会染指Master Year的地步。

也许我会怪罪考试制度的不好或变态(举例说,其中一科的考卷竟然要我在3小时完成30题选择题,5题小题essay, 3题长篇essay--要命!我不能好好完成所有的题目不少弃题或写到半天吊)--- 每一科都是final, 我的科系没有小试。

真的,我本身确实仍还有些问题。没想到,来到英国的第二年仍不很能适应它们的考试制度。或许考试(或者这个科系)的要求不能很有效地让我发挥所长我真的不擅长把很多硬生生的生物分子名词和其复杂的生物化学反应过程记入我脑里。现在居然要求我在短短的时间和考试压力之下将我读过众多的知识里的其中一小部分详细写出来。结果,我不能,除非几乎所有我预测的试题会出,但不可能。也或许我的基础理论本身都还有问题--这也牵涉到其他的课题,比如说:我的读书态度和习惯。的确,我还需要检讨。

自从中学开始,以考试成绩为标准,生物一直都是我三科理科里最弱的科目。可是,这一切不曾减少我对它的兴趣,和对生命和生物的奥秘的探索。对我来说,生物科系是深具意义的。这些都不是成绩可以衡量的,所以我没有因此而放弃修读它。

现在的考试难题越来越承受不了。为何就一定要这种方式来评估我?我做不好考试,又不代表我没有能力解决日后的生物科技难题。那颗想为科学领域至少作出一些贡献的心还是存在的。不要浇熄了我尚存的热忱。

就像我以前说过的,科学不能解决很多问题。其实我一直很认真地在想,更多更重要的问题根源是来自人类社会。即使是科学也常被滥用,或成为某些人套利的工具(我最厌恶这些所谓的科学家要知道生命和尊严是不能以金钱衡量的!)科技纵使再进步,如果不能惠及到所有人类(或至少是大部分人类),有什么用?所以,我们不能只是局限在科学领域里。

无论最后我的成绩如何,这此,我要特别感谢那些在我考试期间给我支持打气的朋友们。

谢谢Dave你在病重时都坚持为无暇的我和Andy煮食好几顿美味晚餐。

谢谢hueyin你的肩膀和你从大马打来的及时问候安慰(在我第一张考卷考得不理想而伤心时)。

谢谢湘宜你的骨辣(good luck)卡。

谢谢高民和湘颖你们的online massage, 疏解我的考试压力。;)

谢谢嘉惠你在我考试时期送给我你亲手烘烤的饼干,真的很好吃!你有天分!(怎么你那么厉害,知道我在考试期间也一定会上德语班?)(不只好吃,而且还把饼干排得那么漂亮--哈哈,告诉你,中间的那块饼干,我的第一口低估了它的硬度。其余的没有问题)

影响和改变我一生的一句话

记得大约在四年前,我出席一场华教故事讲座。当时的主讲人是董总首席执行员莫泰熙先生。他叙述了很多有血有泪,感人肺腑的华教发展史故事--很多事情,他正是当时的见证人或其中的当事人。他以很平常的语气叙述,仿佛历经了沧桑。在这之前他已作了不少过100场全国巡回讲座,对象都是年轻人中学生和大专生。面对着一位年龄已至少有60岁的老先生,仍坚持着华教运动,风雨不改的精神早已让我肃然起敬。我记得那天的讲座,我的眼睛无数次被在里面打滚的眼泪决提而弄模糊了。(很遗憾的是,到了现在还有很多很多华校生,甚至老师们都不甚了解,把有机会在大马念华文当作是理所当然的事这些也许我改天才谈)

到了讲座的尾声,问答环节里,有观众提问他对我们这班年轻人有什么期望?首先,他念了前面两句文天祥的正气歌-‘天地有正氣 雜然賦流形’(他的意思应该是要我们无论在任何时候都应展现社会道德与良知)。然后,就在白板上,用marker pen写上了两行大字--立大志,做大事’。他娓娓而谈起年少时他曾接触过一位作家陶行知先生的一句话‘人生为一大事来,做一大事去’ 而启发了他,所以他也接着用这一句话来勉励我们不可以没有大志,即使做不到大事,做小事也可以(‘小事’如教书等等默默耕耘的工作也是非常有贡献和意义 的)。每个人来到了这个世界都有他/她的使命。这些他说过的话,到了如今仍深深烙印在我脑海里,从此成为了我的座右铭,影响和改变了我的一生。

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Exams!!!

This Wednesday and Friday, for BATTLE or worse ~! Keep fighting on...never give up

Thursday, February 09, 2006

A very funny joke!

yea..this time is from my mum. I just remembered it, better put it down here and share with you before i forget.

I still remember that afternoon, which is Chinese new year's eve here in UK , when i called back to Malaysia, to my mum's handphone. She was in P. Klang, in my grandma's house. That time has just passed midnight in Malaysia, on Da Nian Chu Yi. I just want to wish her and my bros Happy CNY. I remember when i was asked by my mum , what do i miss the most about CNY. One of the things i said was chinese cookies. To my surprise, she replied me, instead of packing it and posting it to me (takes about a week), she'll ask my bro to EMAIL me those cookies. Walau A.... zha dao!!! Mum goes high-tech!

Probably another example of '望'饼充饥.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Violence won't solve the problem

Just watched/read the news about the update of Cartoon protest around the world from BBC. I regret that those angry protesters from Syria torched the Scandinavian embassies yesterday. Over-reaction and irrationality cause more complications of this issue. The use of violence (even in the language -- the words like 'kill', 'behead', and 'jihad against...' and also sending dead threats to Westerners in their territory ) would only reaffirm the negative 'terrorist' image of muslim in the mind of millions of Westerners and all other people around the world. Islam should literally means 'a religion of Peace' but i wonder why there are still quite a number of muslim out there believe in violence. Even the outrage of the Chinese towards Japanese outbreak last year resulting the damage to the Embassy and the shops and the business already be condemned, what about this one with a huge mass of people burned the Embassies down? I really can't accept this. On the other hand, after incident of 9/11, the biggest ever tragedy for US people in the modern era, they didn't even call out a mass destructive demonstration like those happened recently. Enough is enough. Do not go on a worse cycle of hatred.

People must keep their head cool, and use their head to protest in a more effective and peaceful way, to get the message across, strategies such as creating a huge wave of public opinion pressure onto those who are responsible. I do not think the Danish government has done any wrong in principle -- it's the newspaper that published those cartoons should be questioned. Not any ordinary Danish citizen should be punished for this issue. People should be more open-minded also. Even often there are many anti-west people (vaguely, coz i don't want to point to anyone or any group) always portrait the Westerners as 'evil' people, and humiliate the leaders of the Western countries in various ways, but it seems that the other side has remained calm always and doesn't react the same way as those anti-west people.

Religious issues, i admit, are quite sensitive. It is not about right or wrong as what one thinks, but we have to be careful of what we are going to say that might upset other's feelings. Respect and tolerance are the key. More understanding among people are needed. Also, thinking must not confine within a box, must evolve with time (religious thoughts too).

I could say more, but i think i would just stop here.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Welcome to the Dolls Hospital






I spotted this new decoration of a little toy shop at the corner of the shop row on the normal pathway back to my house from uni, a week ago. It is displayed on the shelves for window browsing. This is what they called ' Dolls Hospital', probably doing a promotion to sell their dolls... it is so cute not to post to show you all!!! Hope you would like it , just like i do. : )

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

1/29

那天下午,我拨个越洋电话给你,祝你新年快乐。那时正当你那边是正月初二凌晨。与你谈话至半途时,不知怎么地,你突然情绪波动,哭了起来。我顿时不知所 措。我在想,在这之前我并没有说了些太感性的话。你说,你很想念我。其实,我也是啊!只是没想到你会变得那么感性起来了。当时我真的也有点感触。虽然我不 大擅长,还是不断尝试逗你开心一点,不想弄到场面那么尴尬。结果可能不那么好,你哭笑不得,一定很辛苦吧?我在想,是不是你的生活最近过得不那么如意,或 者是碰到了什么难题?以前,每当你遇到问题时,都会向我倾诉,寻找我的支持和依靠。也许是我不好,自从第二年回去英国后,与你联络的次数就少了很多。我并 没有把你忘了。我一直都是支持你的。没有我在你身边时,也希望你能过得更好。我答应你,我会更常与你保持联络,那么也许你就不许把思念的思绪酝酿压抑在心 中那么久了。答应我你也要过得开心,不要把问题放在心上太久,知道吗?

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