(This is a long long note about myself – be warned! If you want to read and manage to read finish it, this must mean that you truly care about me, I thank you for that!)
I didn’t pick this timing to write this note, definitely it is not because I am cina wanting to follow the Lunar calendar marking the beginning of the year, but I could only find time to do this now. This note should serve, first as a review of my 2019, and then a layout of my plans for 2020 (shhh…don’t mention the Vision 2020, even the initial proposer already gave indication for you to look ahead to 2030). I had wanted to do this by year end 2019, then beginning of the new year, even thinking about that before and after my birthday, unfortunately life has been rather busy for me, I have to put my priorities right – and the fact that I am no longer young, with family duty, no longer be able to dig into ‘midnight oil overdraft’ too often…furthermore this is just to write ‘something about myself’, that sounds like a luxury. I often have to deal with the most recent ‘deadline(s)’ first, that is always the logic of my priorities.
Youth, no more
This year, I am 35 years old. In many contemporary organisations and political parties, this age is the upper limit for what being considered as ‘youth’. When I was much younger , I often pondered what would I look like when I was 35, that was a very distant year 2020. This year I’ve got the answer! Ok… besides my body shape may be a little surprise (haha!) the bigger surprise must be that Mahathir is still our Prime Minister! Other matters should be still ok, no? Now I have a family of four, reside in Malaysia -- At least once in the past I must have fantasized before, the liberal minded me could also accept a foreign partner with different skin or/and hair colour. In the end, Singapore should be also considered as a foreign country, no? Hehe, skin and hair colour I still do not discriminate, including those who share the same as mine! What is more important for the lifetime partner is the soul ma!
Action-packed 2019
2019, if I could describe the year as a movie genre, it must be an ALL ACTION movie (and moreover, without stuntman/substitute)! To me, it was really busy, challenging, physically and mentally draining…I must give myself a pat on my back (though massage would be better) for many enduring tasks I accomplished.
In summary, I had written 16 Chinese column articles (and one online-only interview article for my primary school alumni), 3 English articles (two with Malaysiakini before they discontinued the institutional column); delivered 7 presentations (in English) at academic events (and moderated 3 others); one movie sharing event (in English) ; delivered 3 presentations (in Chinese) on Federal Budget issues and another one on drug decriminalisation issue; accepted news media interviews in 19 occasions (both English and Chinese); appeared in radio shows 14 times (988:6 , AiFM:5 , BFM:3), as well as in TV 4 times (NTV7).
To be honest, everytime I go out there, I always make sure that I do my very best to prepare beforehand at the professional level I would expect of myself. As a public intellectual, I am always happy to share my best knowledge, analysis and insights with the public, as to empower the society. Up north to Penang, and down south to JB, I travelled across cities, made ‘roadshow’ appearances in physical, because I like to walk the talk.
I feel like that I have the strength and passion continue doing this, itself is already a miracle. These are only the events in public, that did not include the efforts I made for the day-to-day operation for the organisations which I was involved in such as communication and coordination as well as meetings.
I must thank my wife for being supportive, cooperative and understanding, therefore I could go miles and perform. Hope I also do make her proud.
Father of two, love them all
The single biggest bundle of happiness and joy, without a doubt, must be the arrival of my dearest daughter Yee Faye. Life as a father of two (especially when they are still very young) is quite different to when the number was kept at one -- managing/juggling the two in the right sequence and finding the good strategies that is itself an art.
The difficulty level of parenting increases, thus it often requires me to have serious think through the scenarios, making the right decision and calling the correct actions. Surely you guys also know, I am one of those guys who are still struggling at details, mistakes are bound to happen, would take the blames.
Making the two kids sleep at night is still one of the daily challenges. They seldom both fallen asleep at the same time, therefore it requires us to comfort one (usually meimei) then only settle another, if not the other one (usually gorgor) would kacau. If the latter happened, caused one to be awakened, then GAME OVER, have to restart. Xiao Hui is usually the centre of the solutions to both kids. My role could be on a fringe, usually filling the gaps, including teman gorgor reading books before sleep (or just accompany him to pass time), making sure that Xiao Hui had settled meimei then only taking over gorgor.
Things do not always go well as planned, mama is usually very tired at night too, she could easily fallen asleep with meimei already; papa’s battery life at night is also limited, number of books I can read normally do not pass 3, furthermore gorgor usually do not let papa simply substitute mama’s role. Sometimes, it could happen when we go waking up mama, incidentally woke up meimei too!
That is just an example, I have not mentioned about the house chores-- the amount of loads to wash and keep (eg. laundry and bottles) after adding one more family member increases significantly – I can understand why some married couples do not want to have children (some would like to just stop at one), why some would only want if they can get help from parent(s) or domestic helper(s). But these options are not without other implications/complications. Since we both do not subscribe to those ideas and we are both working parents (XH is even a breastfeeding mum), then it is questioning our commitment and responsibilities, as well as our planning -- how we work together to organize and back up each other in logistics, schedule-timing and ability.
During work days, in the morning we send our kids to the childcare and preschool which we entrusted, that is so far the only and the best arrangement we could make. Our family education policy encourages children to have their own ‘social circle’, have mates to play, learn and grow up together. We opine that this should serve the kids well for their mental development, unlocking their potentials, building their characters and self-confidence, at the same time knowing how to cooperate and socialise with others.
Fortunate enough, Yee Faye is such a darling, an easy baby as much as she can be. In the childcare, her teachers also said that she is very smiley. Yes, those smiles could simply melt my heart, made me forget about all the hard efforts.
Fight for my own rights before others
2019 is also a career changing and challenging year for myself. The thickening plot and agenda behind the sudden closure of the KL office of Penang Institute and hence acrimonious demise of my position which I held for 5.5 years, forced me into unemployment for 4 months.
I also learned to defend my rights as a formal employee/worker, when the grievances I raised were not addressed and not given due respect. I had to be my own lawyer, studied through many relevant laws and regulations as well as case studies myself, so that I could use those to defend my case and fight for my own entitlements in the Industrial Relations Department conciliation meeting.
As a social activist, I tell myself, if I did not even voice out and defend my own entitled rights, who would believe me and expect me to do so for the more marginalized and vulnerable groups who suffer even greater injustice? Sense of justice is strong with me and my conscience is clear , there are values I cannot trade off.
Researcher, Advocate and Public Intellectual
Well, I still enjoy and see myself as a policy researcher, and increasingly I see the values and find meaning of being a public intellectual as well as an advocate to the causes that I strongly believe in. No use of just doing research finding out about the problems, without taking further action to affect changes and remedy the problems. Publish a few reports and just put them on the table of those in power, most likely will not go far (and not even being read sometimes!).
A few of interested organisations had engaged me, finally I decided to go with Third World Network (TWN) which I already had previous pleasant collaboration experience, and very positive working relationship with a few of the members. So, officially from the beginning of this year, I join TWN as a Senior Researcher, working on health-related policies especially issues regarding access to medicines.
What is more important than knowing that my new director she appreciates and values my experience and expertise in health policy research and analytical skills? Mutual trust and respect are important aspects of supportive, healthy and encouraging work environment. I am grateful for the opportunities and the trust I gain from my new colleagues – they are like one big family to me now.
Health is a rather divisive and difficult policy area, where many players in the sector have their own vested interest. My conscience is clear, I work for public interest, and I hope my works will have the positive and meaningful impacts to improving quality of life for general public (especially those who are disadvantageous/ disenfranchised).
Agora Society
Many of my friends and relatives perhaps know about my involvement in a NGO I co-found in Jan 2018 called Agora Society (Happy 2ndAnniversary on the 20th!). Because of this organization, I come to know many activists throughout the nation who share similar values and beliefs. At least I know that the route to Reformasi I am not walking alone, ideals and principles still matter. Many of the activists now are my close friends.
In fact, in 2019, I stepped up efforts dedicated to the organization. I helped organize events such as public forums, workshops; wrote column articles; appeared in media interviews and represented my organization in meeting with other civil society partners.
Agora Society is a national network of public intellectuals, activists and writers, I share the value of cross-supporting and empowering local democracy and social movement. Last year I gave talks in KL, Penang and JB on various socioeconomic issues such as health, housing policy and public finance. I also attended an Anti-Lynas protest rally in Kuantan (with my family). Radio (and occasionally, TV) talkshow appearance gave me channels to express my views on various issues, as efforts to raise public awareness. More often than not, I challenged the audience to be more critical and open minded, offered them different perspectives and did not mind if I was political-incorrect at that moment. I believe that the civil society should speak truth to power, public deserve to know what is going on and judge it for themselves.
No no, I am just rational and critical
I deny that I am anti-government/establishment, I am just more critical of authorities. But I do look at facts and evidence as well as value inclination, I do not necessary judge someone for what is not – when one said or did the right/good thing, I would praise, and vice versa. However, after many episodes of U-turn for government policies (such as ICERD and death penalty abolishment), I learned my lesson, I will apply more caution in heaping praises too soon – perhaps until I see the government successfully introduced/amended the law or implemented the policy.
SJK(C)Taman Rashna Alumni
Since May last year, I was ‘pulled in’ and persuaded to be one of the two vice chairpersons for my primary school alumni association (which I helped setting up 2 years ago). Well, I just wanted to play my part as a good ordinary member attending the AGM! Some knew that I was reluctance at first, given that I consciously knew that my time would be super limited due to my newborn daughter and Agora Society. Nevertheless, the committee gave me lots of reassurance and understanding about my role. People know me would know that I am a man of my words – whatever I had agreed on or promised, I would do my best for it. I am glad that I could still contribute to my alumni in my own way, hopefully the committee would be satisfied with my efforts in raising the alumni profile. Kudos to those who worked very hard for the alumni, made physical presence of representation in the school events and meetings – these are quite difficult for me.
Plans for 2020
For 2020, on a personal note, I shall continue taking good care of my health, watching closely my weight (some friends are more concerned than others). Though I have ambition for activism this year, I shall try my best to avoid unnecessary occasions, because I know how challenging it is to ask Xiao Hui taking care of the two on her own.
Those works I promised to my external collaborators back in the PI years, of course I have not forgotten, I will continue striving to clear them one by one.
This year shall be another year I increase my intellectual outputs , introduce new ideas and programmes which could benefit the society.
As a social activist, I would like to work together with individuals and organisations which share similar values, to strengthen the civil society as the third force, coordinate and put forward reformed agenda and narratives back in the society (which should matter to them most), instead of letting the same old political-power-infighting, 3R (Race, Religion, Royalty) issues draining the ordinary people’s hopes and aspirations.
