long lost feeling

( I intend to blog this in mandarin, but i don´t have any chinese software here)

I have a long lost feeling. It comes back everytime she´s with me. That´s some feelings that can´t be replaced by anyone else. I hate this. Is there someone that you really sure that you like her/him, but you can never ever be with her/him? Is there someone that you would give your whole life for, willing to be her/his forever guardian, guide and cherish her/him, and you would never ask anything from her/him back? Why is it someone in a very special place your heart, but you can never be just more than friend?

I don´t know. Really. Still care about her.

(P/S: Am i too emotional and sensitive tonight? Why can´t i just torelate something that i do not wish to see? )

(P/S 2: i am not sure whether i should post this also... just feel that i have no one to talk to at this moment)

Silence will temporarily be my name

Busy schedule.

20th March- Political Studies Exam
22nd March- German Language oral test
23rd March- German Language Final Exam
24th March- Deadline for 2 lab reports
25th March- Holiday!
26th to 31st March - Going to Spain (Barcelona and Mallorca)
2nd April - Cambridge One day Trip (visiting Yee Pin)
3rd to 8th April - Zurich-Vienna-Bratislava trip.
10th April- Going to Bristol
11th April- Xin yu's departure
12th to 24th April- Intensive Study weeks
24th and 25th April - Final Exam for 2 subjects: Immunology and Molecular Cell Biology

25th April onwards - Freedom? not yet, but don't know.

My Mnite 2006 Photo album is up on Webshots!

The link is as followed:
http://community.webshots.com/user/cheehan1985

P/S: For those who haven't seen my other photo albums yet, you could also go to this same link.

My picture is up in the PhotoSoc exhibition!!!

This is one of my photo entries for the Imperial College Photographic Society's Exhibition 2006, under the exhibition theme 'FEELINGS' (from 2nd March to 13th March). You can find this picture at the Blyth Gallery, 5th floor of Sherfield Building. The title for this photo entry is 'In Search of Childhood Memories', was taken in Weston, Wales Province, on 27th February last year. It is basically a sunset picture with two children playing by the seaside. I posted this picture at Webshot 'Best 50' photo album before. Those who are studying in IC, please do check it out before too late. The next exhibition will be started the following week, for the theme 'A Winter's Tale'. I will have another photo hang up, too. ; )

Beyond Mnite...

Imperial College Malaysia Night 2006: The Writing’s on the Wall, is finally over. Last Saturday night, is a night to remember – a wonderful show, filled with brilliant dances, superb good acting skill from most actors, nice and clever story plot with many twists/suspense , and impressive probes – all built up to a remarkable, successful night! Indeed, I’m proud of their effort to make this show, sharing their joy, although I don’t feel much sense of belonging to the show this year since I did not actively take part in it. I was just an usher and a cameraman that night. However, I watched their performances many times in the rehearsal. I knew it would be great. In the end, it is still. In my belief, I think my uni Mnite is the best of UK!

Speaking about the Mnite, previously I have the perception that it is always the show that played by Malaysian for Malaysian (most audience would be Malaysian – ka ki lang support ka ki lang) That night I was an usher, and I observed the crowd from various nationalities and cultures coming for the show, and then I changed my mind—thinking that this night does serve its purpose, to promote Malaysian Culture!!! I saw their face, they were indeed delighted and enjoyed with the show, I smiled. I hope they will return to see next year’s show and hopefully more non-Malaysian audiences coming for the show.

The Malaysia Night does stand out from all other Malaysian Society activities, undoubtedly. But I wish to see more – Msoc should not only be the place for all the Malaysian gathering around and making friends only…In fact, it should be more open and interact more with other societies in my uni (or with other uni), by providing members with more variety of activities. 'Devolution' of the almost fully occupied committe members to capable members, is the key- letting more non-central committe members to handle different job and organise and lead some other activities (which the committe are too busy for), and perhaps maintain them in a regular , and long run manner. Activities should not be too stereotype year after years, and should open for more variety of activities to suit the taste of different minority groups.

There is also an essential function of it to deliver message or updating news about the current issues happening in homeland. Sincerely, I feel that many Malaysian friends here do not much concern about what’s happening back in homeland. Maybe I am wrong, or maybe they are just like that even when they were in M’sia last time – lack of social awareness and do not care much about the national issues. That’s sad, I have to say. I know Msoc does his job to pass the message around about the job opportunities, probably that is something interested more members. However, that is not enough. I think Msoc should reform, in the sense that, linking back all Malaysian to the homeland, and prepare them, the future professionals and national elites, to serve for our country when graduated and return home. Since we are better equipped with the knowledge learned in overseas, we have the greater responsibility to utilize what we have learned and contribute to our country. (I always view knowledge as the source of power. And power comes with the responsibility. Greater power, greater responsibility). We are the hope of the nation. All of us have the duty to improve the status of the country together, and be able to differentiate what is wrong and right. (eg. To fight racism and not to be fooled by some vicious politician) Mentality is something we need to prepare for.

Please do this for the sake of our environment!!!

I can't say i am a Green, but somehow i have the idea of what can i do the best (or the least) for our Mother Earth.
One issue that i always concern is the use of plastic bag. Most plastic bags, due to their non-biodegrable property, post a serious environmental issue to deal with when comes to disposal. If we burn them, they will produce toxic gases that will harm our health. We can't allow them to accummulate in the landfill sites too, 'cause they just simply don't degrade and will exist for hundreds of year. We, the human, already run out of land to develop, we can't afford to bury them forever, put it as a final solution. But the rate of plastic bags consumption in UK is terrifying. Each Briton uses approximately 150 bags per year. The problem with UK is , most of the plastic carrier bags in many supermarket chain stores are non-biodegradable. And everytime i queue up for the checkout, i can see people are just taking plastic bags as many as they please. I can't believe this could be the attidute of UK people here towards the environmental care.
I know that in Malaysia, few hypermarket chain stores such as Giant, and Carrefour already started to use biodegradable plastic bags. (they must do this -- just try to imagine Malaysia is only such a small country. Many people don't even have land to stay, how can we make way for rubbish?) And yet, we are still running out of space to dispose rubbish. ~sigh~ The public awareness about Recycling in Malaysia is still low... In UK it doesn't seem any better too.
Last Christmas, when my friend, Sin Hong, who is studying in Ireland, came to visit me, i was very surprised to learn that (really, i really mean it) he's still using those 5 plastic bags he brought from Malaysia (i don't know how to describe the condition of them already... abit worn out, but still usable). Not because he's a Green (maybe he is also), but the environmental policy of Ireland implements the law that every citizen has to pay the tax for every plastic bag they ask for (ie. buying it), equivalent to 9 pence per plastic bag (roughly 65 sen in M'sia). So, many Ireland citizen make their habit of reusing plastic bags, which is a praiseworthy act! And the enviromental policy does work to reduce tons of plastic bags usage, thus can save more oils, save the environment and our health. Other good examples are Taipei City (where people there respond to the call of recycling, very successful, under the project of Taipei Mayor Ma Ying Jiu) and Australia.
Back to my friend's case. I feel very pity for him. Contrast to my housemates, they keep taking plastic bags like mad, and stuff into one big compartment of cupboard full until overflow. Sometimes we have no choice but to clear them up and dispose them. This is already a very big contrast to my friend's precious 5 plastic bags. In the end, before he returned to Ireland, I gave him 20 different UK brands plastic bags as a gift for him. He was very happy. He even said that he could bring them back and sell them to his friends in Ireland , as UK Imported Plastic bag should have higher value.
To a certain extent, i tend not to ask for plastic bags, especially when shopping at Sainsbury's (the most frequently shopping place i visit -- i always bring my own plastic bags, unlike my housemates) and buying small things when i can put them all into my backpack. I do my very best to reuse plastic bags whenever i can. I know it is not easy to practise, if you are not making this as your habit. Before that, you must change your attidute first and be more environmental conscious. Try to make this earth a better place to live by reusing plastic bags, start from TODAY!

不完美的世界是美丽而真实的！

自从来到了英国念书，我认识你已有好 一段日子了。但是，坦白说，我还不是很了解你。我觉得你是一位很不错的朋友。我希望我可以与你作进一步的交流，了解你的想法，倾听你的心声，分担你的烦 恼。也想让你知道，我可以做你真实的朋友，可以互相扶持，互相勉励。我不在乎你是不是完美的。这世界上并没有完美的人，但有的是真实诚恳的有心人。没有人 敢自认他/她是完美的，敢自认完美的人也不是完美的，又何必在乎‘完美’这抽象概念的东西呢？
我希望能看到的是你真实的一面，不管那是不是完美或快乐的你。压抑着自己表达真实的一面会不会很辛苦呢？难道你会害怕朋友知道了你真实的一面会选择远离你或抛弃你？如果是，告诉你，那些都不是你真实的朋友。
你 要学会面对和接受你自己，对自己要有信心 啊！别再害怕自己的影子了，或被它无形地纠缠着。接受现在的自己，不表示保留现状，不准备接受任何改变的可能性。人随着岁月成长而改变是肯定的，思想也会 随着环境的转换而产生新的想法。一直执着于过去或尝试回到过去是徒然的，最后只会一再地否定现在的自己，不会带来任何好处的。是否要改变完全是你的决定-若你认为改变是必需的，可以让自己过得更好，那么就去执行吧！何必在乎这不像是过去的你。对于一些你坚信的原则或信念，你可以捍卫，不要轻易地被其他人或环境动摇你。没有人可以要求你作出改变—因为改变是发自内心的。

以上是我（对你）的想法总结。不要问我如何得来这些想法，我只是一时不忍，想为你理清或解脱一些思想上的纠结，希望看到你能更肯定自己，让自己过得更快乐而已。你永远会得到我的支持，加油吧，我的朋友！

Just want to check my blog english readership

Hello, I know it's been such a long time i did not write or translate anything in English for my blog since the last time (even sometimes i suppose to do, just lazy). But now i want to do a testing here, if anyone (the reader) still would like to read my blog in English (if not you can't understand what i am talking about). If you do want to see my blog retain some parts in english, please make some noise, or protest in the comment section :p If not, i'll take the most convenient way to express myself in my mother tongue language.

(Does anyone ever care about my english? Sometimes i heard somebody saying that my english sucks. Well, i won't argue back. I will only be ashamed if my Mandarin is not good/up to the expected level.)