与杨生见面

昨天，我第二次拜访杨白杨先生。对于他，我一开始就很赞叹他的写作能力。更让我吃惊的是，在国庆日那天，我第一次登门造访他参与一个别开生面的‘国庆英雄大会’，不曾露面的我竟然他也认识。他说，他记得我是那位学记反媒体垄断运动的召集人之一，也读过我写的那篇文章《我曾经沉默，但不是站在你的大多数!...》。就只是因为那篇文章，已对我形成了印象。

当时，与他握手言欢后，很快地，他就问我：“那天在马华党大会那位与黄家定（马华总会长）握手的林志翰，是不是你？”我迅速反应：“哇，那篇那么小张的照片新闻你也注意到！？冤枉呀，他的名字竟然与我一模一样，影‘衰’了我。更巧的是，他的身份也是海外留学生啊！再加上照片拍得不清不楚，我真是有如跳入巴生河水洗也洗不清！”他幽了我一默：“你应该写一封誊清信寄去《当今大马》和《独立新闻在线》，郑重声明写说此林志翰非彼林志翰，请认清事实避免造成不必要的误会”我苦笑说：“是啊，实在应该！”

我实在不敢期望一位写过了八千或九千多篇三十年评论文章，见过许多大大小小人物的他，会知道和记得一位只写过一篇被刊登和转载的文章的我。不仅如此，他还会关心我，同时想知道他自己是否对我看走眼了（针对那位进入马华的林志翰）。

那天的英雄大会，首次见面我并没有与他多谈，因为那天实在太多人了。几乎所有的人都知道他就快要离开大马，举家搬去澳洲与两个大女儿相聚。他在《当今大马》每日撰写的专栏也因此宣告在他的第五百篇国庆日当天停笔。身为他的忠实读者的我（和他许许多多朋友同事），觉得很惋惜但是可谅解他老人家的心愿。当晚，喜欢唱反调的他，听说很多人今年表明不会在屋前挂国旗，他就偏偏要挂。不仅如此，他还找来了一支很高的竹竿将国旗挂起来。讽刺的是，已多年未挂国旗的他，竟在搬去澳洲前一年才做。

他给所有来宾的见面/送别礼是一整套他撰写的书籍。他也满忙的，落力地为每一本书签上他的大名。我在他家呆了2小时左右，就要离开了。所以，昨天通过黄妙仪朋友的亲自安排，那是一个最好的交流交谈机会，也是我回去英国之前和他搬去澳洲之前的最后一次。他还亲自下厨款待我们。健谈和热情的他，使我和妙仪流连忘返，难于拒绝他的好意一直留到了晚餐时间。那七，八小时的会谈，多多少少让我学习到了他部分的人生精华，也让我更进一步认识他，进入了他的内心世界，读到了一般上刊登文章不会写的内容。他的见识，分析见解，和绘声绘影的描述，让我津津乐道。当然我不会在此长篇大论地提会谈的内容。若能够像他那么积极，幽默，坦然地面对人生，活得应该也会开心。

他说，年轻人要多写文章，况且如今文章根本不需经过别人之手发布出去。自从有了部落格后，人人都可以成为作家。好文章的影响力非同凡响，主要在于一种思想的传播和其教育与启发别人的潜能。所以，他说，黄妙仪要写100篇，林志翰也应该写100篇。若更多人加入这行列写作，阅读者将有机会读到更多，思想或知识的传播也变得更广和快，那么就能影响和启发更多的读者针对某些课题的认知。
我想，我可没有把写部落格当日记的习惯，很难持之有恒地写作。（既然那是我的业余兴趣，就可要看心情了）其实我也支持杨白杨先生的观点，希望我不会变得太懒。

若要人不知，除非己莫为

'If you want people do not know, unless you don't do it.'

This is a strong advice to the government today which its senior ministers announced the crackdown on the bloggers and cyber activists.

Quote: "We want blogs to be clean, a place to obtain accurate information, a reference point for honest opinion, not a platform to abuse and slander people," Nazri, minister in the prime minister's department, said.

Blogs and cyberspace are the breakthrough to obtain in depth information about the blackbox operations of the ruling party, and some insider stories about the opposition parties as well. One thing to be certain is, the mainstream news is never a channel to provide accurate information in the first place. They lost the credibility to pronounce that because according to the global chart of The Freedom of Press, they did even worse than some African countries. It is such a shame that we couldn't express our honest opinions about the governance. That's why many people are inspired and enlightened by the civil movement that demands a clean, and transparent government and Freedom of Expression, through cyberspace. I am very sure that many well-known bloggers such as Jeff Ooi, they are responsible, credible and mature enough in their writings and most likely could provide us the stories and analysis closer to the reality, than the mainstream media which tries to hide many things. I need not to give many examples, it happens just too often. The possible involvement of DPM Najib Abdul Razak in the Mongolian Murder case is the glaring example how the mainstream medias were instructed to hide the stories.

So, i urge the ruling party and the government to be brave to face public's scrutiny. If you do not do something wrong, let's not be afraid, but please be very afraid if you ever did. No matter how hard you try to hide is in vain. Just wait for the 'judgment' days -- we bloggers will not be afraid expose anything related to hypocrisy and corruption and abuse of power of what you have done. This thing will go down to history one day!

I know why these days you, the ruling party is so impatient with bloggers. Because you are afraid to face the truth now! If you think bloggers are simply slandering, abusing and defaming people, please clarify to us the real story behind which is different than the blogger's version. Come, sue them if you dare. This is still not Singapore, you cannot stop political awareness through cyberspace! Old and corrupt politics must die!

老朋友们

才在昨天我发现，原来我学记朋友圈的MSN group的网站因为太久没有活动，结果被关闭了。我觉得有些遗憾和伤感。以前我们每年都会举办的至少一次的聚会，现在也没有人再提起了，我能不伤感吗？也许现在我们拥有各自的生活，已失去了过去的情怀。有很多朋友已好久没见面了，不知道他们还好吗？

在两个星期前的小学朋友十年大聚会，原本由于要迁就一些已开始工作的朋友，才从去较远的地方一日游改去吉隆坡一日游。结果那些被迁就的朋友最终还是选择了不露面。相反的，我的小学好友还特地从老远的柔佛士古来工大风尘仆仆赶过来，他的这种精神实在让我感叹 --- 那就是有心人和不是有心人的分别了。同样是已开始工作的另外两位朋友最后也是出席了。我大部分的时间身在国外，我非常希望能乘这个难得的机会见一见大家，有些人还是选择错过了。我觉得很可惜。

虽然地点选择在闹市的广场里和出席人数不是很理想（对于一个被称作‘十年大聚会’的聚会来说），我们同样很开心地度过了那一天。我们上去了KLCC的sky bridge，晚上还去了Luna Bar (那全都是我的第一次)。间中我们有说有笑，感性和疯狂时刻都有。我真的很感激，因为至少我还有一班朋友在乎。吊诡的是，我的小学母校是在巴生，但是当天出席的竟然没有一个人是来自巴生/住在巴生的。以前我小学朋友圈的MSN group网站也是半天掉，总是热不起来，好在这两年来看到了一些热心的朋友参与和贡献。记得去年年底，有一位朋友在我们的网站宣布她的结婚消息，即刻造成轰动！该消息的讨论区的参与度甚至创新纪录，一些从来没有在该网站留言的也来凑一凑热闹，很搞笑！我的老友思满做得最多—他甚至完成了一个不可能的任务--- 他做了我当年六年级M班的通讯录，也包括了部分老师的联络方式。真的不简单。我希望我们这一群小学朋友可以继续联系，来年再举办聚会。我更期待再10年以后会有另一次的大聚会！

Small thought

Life is a choice. Choose how do you look at 'Happiness'?:

1)Always happy with what you have
2)Always work hard to pursue your happiness

Yea, we shall not trap in the frame of the mindset when comes to choices. Both answers are still THE answer you should select - they are not conflicting at all.

You should be happy with what you have because this belief will not make you easily letting go of something you would probably regret someday; in the meantime, you should always work hard to pursue your happiness, to bring up the level of your happiness, so that you could be happier with what you have achieved so far.

Happiness won't fall just right from the sky. Those who works for it would appreciate it better.

无奈又失望的三年总结

就在星期四那天傍晚，我的成绩公布了。那象征着我三年来的奋斗，成绩却再次让我沮丧。我已战至最后一天。成绩公布的前一天，我还对我的口试表现满意，有信心可以把握那机会跳跃一级至二级上等荣誉学位。对我来说，我一直不敢冀望一级荣誉学位，因为我明白自己当前的能力到哪里。不是我不要求最好的成绩，只因我从来不好高骛远，只要求自己交出最佳的表现，尽最大的能力去考取好成绩。

我想，在各科分数和研究报告分数还未到手之前作太多的分析是徒然的。目前最大败笔的可疑之处是我的毕业研究。朋友都说我明知山有虎，偏向虎山行—去选了一个打分非常苛刻的导师。那么凑巧的，我的6个选择当中又选中他。我毅然尝试用表现说服他。我看来最后可没有办到，否则也许我都不需要出席第二次的口试。

我不想给什么藉口来推搪，我认为今年可是我表现更好的一年，一切都在进步当中。我一直非常努力地达至我要的基本目标。我承认，我确实还有一些弱点，比如说在语言应用和表达上。这一点，尤其在口试时是不利的事情。有时，我认为，特别是在我的科系，批改考卷时往往会有一些主观意念影响分数。语文仍是我的一个显著的障碍，部分解释为何我难以获得一级的分数。其实我真的很想知道到底发生了什么事，导致我功亏一篑。

对我来说，这不是我想看到的。所以也难以掩盖我的失落。这不是接不接受事实的问题，而是以什么心态来接受。那已是无法改变的事实了，我只能无奈和失望的接受。我真的已尽了我最大的能力了。有这么一种结果，对于别人的冷言冷语和如何看待我，我有苦难言。我要如何期待别人能理解我呢？功利主义和分数至上的人们只会以当前的数字和成绩来衡量。我的努力，奋斗和挣扎，他们会明白吗？目前，我只能面对这一切，我不奢望那些不太认识我，接近我的人理解我，我只求我最亲密的朋友们和家人能明白我的处境。我要的是你们更大的支持和鼓励，因为我还有前路要走。虽然我的成绩如此，但是已让我低飞过关进入我的硕士年。可以肯定的是，硕士年将会奠定我的潜能和最终的兴趣，是否将来会在本行继续发展。

我不喜欢也不认同考试成绩是衡量一个人聪不聪明的说法。考试成绩也不是可以让自己虚荣的东西，它充其量可以是给自己在该科系的一个评估。这次是给我的一个警讯，也给我下一次机会去证明自己的潜能和实力。我一定会很很认真和积极地面对未来的一年。我不甘心。我要证明给自己看，我是可以达到一定的水平，再尝试突破极限。

希望你们在阅读以后，可以在未来日子继续为我鼓舞和打气。有你们的支持，肯定如虎添翼，我的信念会更加强！

Finally...

It was so tough until i have to fight 'til the last minute to decide the fate of my degree result. I was called for second viva, so i had no choice but to scrap my trip to Lake Constance at the last minute. Well, that's not a big deal for me now. Everything's over, finally i'm done for my undergraduate studies!!! I'll be back for Master degree 3 months later.

It seems like there is no time for me to rest. I gotta move out of house before i can go back home! yea, I'm already waiting for this day for much too long. Looking forward to see everyone i miss. I'll be arriving on 3rd July. So, see ya! :D

p/s: I felt very strange that one day when i opened my mailbox, one of my blog entry suddenly becomes the host of a forum for discussion about my country. Very interesting. Maybe one day i'll answer them.

My Webshot album is being featured!

Last Thursday, when i woke up, i checked mail. I found that many emails informing me about the guestbook entries for my 'Best 50 for the first year in UK/Europe' Webshot album. It's been awhile i didn't log in there (since my last upload of my new Best 60 album). When i logged in, to my great surprise, my whole album is being view 35000 times in less than a week!!! (current view tally is 40594) I found comments everywhere in my album, they like it especially the 'Morning at Hyde Park' photo. I received many warm and hearty congratulations for that photo being featured in the webshot Member's choice photo in 'Travel' section. I feel so high on top of the world, and very very excited that my photos are appreciated from the people worldwide. (when I told that to my gf, she felt proud of me too.) Since that, i have added 10 fans who tagged me as their favourite photographer.

That time i was still using my previous camera. I'm still not satisfy with my current semi-pro camera. Now it seems like i have good excuse to request for a better pro camera. :P

If you haven't visited my webshot photo album site, here's the link:
http://community.webshots.com/user/cheehan1985

I will continue to contribute my effort, for the art of photography and the pleasure of the viewers. This is the only art i can do the best. ^_^

Looks like a deserted place? Update bout my recent life

yea, it's been a month since my last post. My final exam is officially over. Now it's time for my final year project which carries 15% of my degree. I gotta work hard, though. I'm not sure whether i have regretted my decision to put that one of the six choices of project, and got that my least favourite choice. However, that only means that the challenge is tougher. My current project supervisor is a strict guy. I heard many friends and coursemates giving him negative feedback. They said, usually he tends not to give good marks to students. If this is so, i'm in a disadvantageous situation, coz he's the one who does the first marking before passing it to the external examiners during my viva (oral) exam. Up 'til now he's still patient , kind and nice to me, but i'm already feeling very much pressure on me. My other friends, majority of them are working under supervisor's postgraduate students, but i'm directly under the guiding of my supervisor. This could be considered lucky or unlucky. Actually this should be the right way to access every student's performance and ability. I have no choice but to face the challenge and do the best, and be careful enough not to make serious mistakes (to avoid being scold :P)

Exam and further studies

My final exam was not too bad. There's very high chance that i can pass the minimum requirement to enter my master degree in Imperial College next (academic) year. Let's pray for me too, when the time comes (result comes out at the end of June). However, I failed to make it to Oxford University, haih... rejected even before i show my exam result to them. Nevermind. I'm quite happy to stay in Imperial College.

Moving House

The next thing is the mission of house-hunting. I'm confirmed moving out next year, to a new house. Since that possibly could be my last year of studying (unless i go higher to PhD), i might as well change the environment and aim for better living standard. After two years of staying 'underground' (basement flat), it's time for change. Some good and bad about this house. Furthermore, it's not up to us to decide whether we could stay. The house condition is much worse since the first day of moving in. Especially for this year. I have 'no eyes to see'. I already do my best, but when cleanliness and thriftiness are not other housemates' top priority or concern, i would just give in. Not that i did not do the role of controlling and correcting the situation, just that a habit is still a habit to some people. Now i wonder if we can return the house to the landlord as what it is like when we move in.
I will push harder prior to the date of moving out.

Once my senior had given me this advice, when he first moved out of this house. He said, it's not that this house is not good, but that was his housemate's decision. He said: 'It doesn't matter with which house you are staying... Good house is not hard to find, more important is who are you living with. Good housemates are not easy to meet and also each one is not easily replaced.' That sounds right to me now, i realize that some role of a member in a house are not just easily replaceable. Now i miss Andy. hehe
At current stage we have settled the group of housemates for next year. The only thing left is the house, since we're quite happy with each other (future housemates) now.

Ok. Update until here. I do have much more things to say, including some interesting stories...hehe. That's one 'scary story' happened at the 'backyard' of my house last time during my exam days. Want to know? tell you next time :P I have some thoughts to share about the current affairs of my country too, but once i start writing it, i'm afraid i just can't stop. I'll save it for next time.

Don't think i have nothing to do, this 6-weeks project is crucial to me. I'll keep myself busy with that. In the meantime i will update my blog once in a while.

我的领悟

有时一个坏习惯，你不觉得是坏，因为你已经习惯了。你不会去改变它，也是因为你已习惯了。

好习惯未必让你的感受好，但是它最终带来的好处却会让你欣慰。如果要看到正面效果，就必需要有纪律去坚持地执行。

Chronology of notes Borrowing

Since first subject started last October, i didn't manage to make my full notes during the lectures. But my friend, who is my neighbour and my coursemate, can. Then after christmas holiday and i came back from Malaysia. Both of us share the same 3rd subject again. This time i'm better in making my notes (also largely due to it's involved the studies i have interest in and many thanks to the good course-governer/lecturer).

1) During that time, the first time i asked her about the first subject's notes borrowing. In principle, she said ok. But she was using it, she claimed. Then she told me to ask again when she finished revising on that subject. I agreed.

2) She took quite a long time, until we moved on to the 4th subject. This time we were parted. While i was busy with my coursework for this subject. She came and told me i could borrow from her now. But i really have no time to start revising on that subject while i totally lost the pace in this final 4th subject. It's meaningless to have it. Therefore I asked her whether i could borrow it later when i finish this course. She was not so happy and can't give assurance or guarantee.

3) Ok. Finally, i've done with all my final coursework (computer project) and German language tests. By that time the term ended, our Easter holiday starts to kick in. Now i want to start my revision on the first subject. Again, i called her up one afternoon, and wanted to talk about borrowing, she said 'I'm busy!' and shut me up without giving proper reason (or even excuse) on what she's busying at. I was irritated. I hate people, especially who i consider as friend being insincere and not honest by giving me excuse to muddle through (敷衍）me. If she told me she was using it or want to use it that night perhaps i could understand. But when i asked her, she said she didn't use and not using. When I offered myself to collect it at her door, she kept on saying 'I'm busy! no time!' and hung up... it's been such a long time i have no friend really treat me like this impolite. I was angry…really angry…grrr…

4) Later the next day, when we have our regular dinner (kitchen group) meeting, she handed the notes over to me, but ‘warned’ me that I could only use it for ONE DAY. I already ‘put off’ my fire, and asked her what happened to her yesterday. She said she’s just busy studying, didn’t like people disturbing… She implied that, when she said she’s busy, she’s studying…. Oh then only I understood bout her term used. I don’t ever know her ‘busy is only equate to studying’. She also mentioned that, even though she was not directly using it, she needed it for ‘cross-referencing’ (wow… what a nice word). I lamented her on that point, how come she couldn’t spend just few seconds explicitly said that and explained to me, so that I don’t feel insulted? Dave also joined in, said that she was selfish, coz she is only willing to lend me in less than 24 hours (even Library short loan couldn’t be any shorter than this). She rebutted, saying that no one can ask her to change or affect her study timetable, she MUST study according to her own schedule. Fair enough, she couldn’t just give me few lecture notes in parts (even I offer myself to give it back to her immediately to her room when she needs it), don’t allow me to photocopy her notes (scared that I will spoil her notes). I am speechless… damn, I said to myself, this is really really the last time I would borrow anything from her.

5) That night/day I was rushing like hell… could only manage to finish 6 lectures (12 hours of lectures), but only 1/3 of the whole subject. And then I returned it to her on time in the next dinner meeting (that was Tuesday). I was waiting the next time. She told me to ask her again on Saturday ‘night’. I said ok.

6) On Saturday, I called. She said cannot, tomorrow. I said ok lor (what to do?). On Sunday, I called again, she said she’s still using it, tomorrow again…

7) And today I called her around dinner time (7.30pm), she was angry… she meant that her ‘night’ is ‘after midnight’, asked me to take it from her that time. I couldn’t stand all her ‘weird’ definition of the term she used.
I caught fire again… Almost burst… (ok… after I am writing so much, I feel much better…) We shall see the next episode ‘tonight’… But if she didn’t keep her words again, I’ll tell her to eat her own notes!!! (it’s not like I don’t borrow I’ll die)




UPDATE on 1.07am

Finally, she lent it to me. At last she kept her word. As a true friend, keep a promise to me is very important. : ) Be frank and honest, is equally important too.
So, u guys know the way to upset me liao... haha, better don't if u r my friend~ :P