卓别凌

上周五，当我身困在实验室里做实验至深夜。孤身一个人在

那里，我扭开My.fm 网络电台，一打开就听到我小学老友凌加峻的声音，感到又惊喜又意外。原来他有新歌推荐了-‘卓别凌’。轻快有趣，果然我没有失望。虽然如此，我认为他还可以做得更好...从小学开始，就听他唱歌了，觉得深情的歌他会唱得比较好。不过那首歌还是不错的尝试。多元化，是吧？
应该是缘分吧，那是我第一次在德国听my.fm就听到他了。凌加峻，你要好好加油哦!我支持你的梦想，你让我感到骄傲。 =)

 

（ 加峻在左，智成在中，光良在右，同台歌唱）

 

http://kahjun.pixnet.net/blog

民联的‘新政治’在哪里？

针对 当今大马 这报道：’怕被控边缘马来人搁置第三票
民联推诿改革，学者直斥背叛‘ http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/117451

我感到真的很失望，为什么搁置的原因又是因为种族考量？

民联不是代表全民'新政治'吗？如果他们连对自己的‘新政治'论述信心都动摇，人民有怎么能相信他们能带来改变？

民联啊民联，不要再掉入巫统的陷阱，就干脆利落地举办地方政府选举，在民主改革领先，才能真正符合'Ketuanan Rakyat'的精神。其他的是借口。

我对卡立沙末指出的问题，有另一方面的见解：
政党握有推荐候选人的权力，如果怕少马来地方代表的话，政党就推举一定人数的马来代表吧！我相信，如果州政府肯开放地方政府选举，州政府执政党掌握很大的民意优势和口碑，一定能攻下绝大部分的地方政府。无需太担心城市里的马来地方代表的人数，你以为城市选民会因为有马来候选人我们就不选吗？所以，卡立沙末所谓的问题，只是技术问题。

我希望那些对地方选举仍然支持和报有信念的民联州议员，一起出声要求州政府慎重再考虑这决定。希望开明的雪州州务大臣可以点头，我已经对刘天球完全失去信心了。

German products

Don't play-play with german products... even the cheapest one has very tight safety measure. I just bought a blender. I tried it yesterday night & i thought it was faulty because when i switched it on, it can't run. 

Then the next day i returned it. The staff demonstrated to me that there is nothing wrong with it. Everything has to keep tight & in right places, even ...the top lid which i thought it was insignificant. Then, no way you can get injured by blender.

瑞典IRTG Retreat Meeting

上个星期二至星期四，我在瑞典的斯德哥尔摩（Stockholm）参加了我的博士课程国际研究训练组织(International Research Training Group- IRTG)的休闲会议(Retreat Meeting)。这个休闲会议每年都会进行一次，促进我大学Medizinische Hochschule Hannover和伙伴大学Karolinska Institutet Stockholm所有师生的交流。下回会在德国进行。虽然我们进驻4星级中等豪华的旅店，几乎所有的时间安排都是为了师生的研究汇报，没有太多空闲时间去游玩。

那是一间靠海的旅店，偏离市中心颇远的。我被安排与一个在哈萨克斯坦（Kazakhstan)出生的德国人同房。我们两人是新一届仅有的两位男学生，其余的大约16位是女生。我倒很喜欢窗外景色，尤其是一早起床就可以看到这样优美的海边景色—有山有水，有帆船靠岸停泊…感觉就像度蜜月（宝贝，如果当时有你在就好了…这样才能好好地欣赏和享受这景色 ^_^）。

 这里是旅店里的图书馆／闲聊处。也是我们早上和下午开会的地方（早前在会议室召开，不过因为太冷了，转移阵地）






我觉得有美感的电灯装饰。



















那时正是十一月初，可是在那里已飘雪了，真的很冷。那是今年第一场雪，来得还早呢。我走的那天还大雪纷飞，导致班机延迟半小时起飞。我们所有来自德国的学生私底下的共识是---若要到Stockholm的伙伴大学来进行研究工作，都会选择夏天。是的，我必需呆在Karolinska Institutet至少半年。目前我还不知道应该何时选择来到，通常是在博士课程的第二年。

认识了我的系友,发现有两位已经结婚了，一位还可是有一个女儿了。他们的共同点（一男一女）是他们都有俄罗斯族的血统。我很难想象自己在二十三岁就结婚了（我的房友就是这样子）。其他的留学生，另外有两位来自印度，都不会操德语。有一位还甚至住在Braunschweig呢！（我早前说过我不大愿意居留的城市）其他的德国人还不错，只不过我们这些海外留学生不在场时或不留意时，他们都会说德语的。我希望自己在这里的三年里可以至少可以与任何德国人作正常的交谈。

 （情人的铜像－海边的热情对望）
我希望我望穿秋水后，就可以见到你。我想，大约是冬季吧 ^_^

人生的转折点

其实，我不知道自己有多幸运。在我的大学新季课程开始时，我才知道我是千多个申请者中脱颖而出的80几位（包括了其他4个相近的医学研究课程）。我是被我的导师(supervisor)从另一个课程‘挖走’的，因为我本来并没有申请IRTG课程的。这就是所谓的‘际遇’，我导师的‘线人’（后来才知那是他的妻子）当天出席我的面试，在场听我的硕士论文的呈现。面试完毕后，我就知道我成功了—因为我没有想到我的呈现竟然引起那么多的回响，注意和兴趣。有好几位其他博士科研项目(PhD project)的导师就自动向前提出他们对我的兴趣。当时，我还是对我申请的课程里的科研项目有兴趣，还没有认真地考虑转课程的可能。也许那时我对Salmonella project还没有什么好感，好歹我之前是研究艾滋病病毒(HIV)的，我自觉想要做更伟大的。

之前研究比较熟悉的T细胞，我到Braunschweig (另一个德国城市，距离Hannover大约45分钟的火车车程)去拜见了另一个可能会考虑的导师和参观了那里的实验室。虽然那导师看起来对我非常有信心，觉得可以网罗我。并不是科研项目我不满意，只是那个城市给我更陌生和恐惧的心理。那是一个比汉诺威更德国人的城市，我担心会过得不舒适，很难沟通（至少以我目前的德语水平）。这担心不是假的，因为那位导师的实验室里可真的清一色是德国人(虽然我见了他们，也与他们谈过话了，觉得他们还蛮友善与亲切的…这还不足以让我放心和改变主意)。

而我现在的导师却还在Hannover等待着我的拜访，虽然我从Braunschweig回到时已迟到将近2小时。都六点多了，几乎所有在实验室里的人都走得七七八八了。我导师的诚意开始就打动了我。他浑身解数地用了45分钟解释我的project，也带我简单地介绍和‘逛了’实验室里的设备。他说，很抱歉，因为他的学生们都已回家了（其实我才很抱歉）。他知道我另一天就回马来西亚了，他希望我另一天一早可以再拜访他，然后介绍他的学生让我认识，与我深度交谈。

就是那个早上，改变了结局。他的学生（现在我的同事）给我更清楚的画面，让我更好的评估我的导师…以前我在Imperial College时硕士班的导师Nesrina就告诉我，一个欣赏你，支持你的导师是非常非常非常重要。我深深地体会到这道理，因为Nesrina本身就是闪亮的例子。还有我遇到了亲切的印尼留学生Usri。从他的谈吐中，可以看出他在这里是开心的，并不孤独。过后我在与我的导师Oliver道别时，还不能给他一个肯定的答案，他有点失望。他说，他周末就会去印尼巴厘度暑假了，希望我尽快给他答复。

也许你会说我傻，因为我还等待着本来首选的另一个导师的答复（因为她有我最有兴趣的project）。坐了漫长的班机回到了马来西亚，抵达的那晚我很困扰。Braunschweig的导师正式提出要求，Oliver等待我的答复，我的首选项目的导师（没见过面的）还在印度开会，不能给答复。遇到这难题，还好当晚有Andy开解了我。我们就坐在SS2的Murni，他听我分析后，就叫我快刀斩乱麻，不要拖了—如果那晚睡觉前首选项目的导师未能给肯定，就一定要割舍，不然到头来一无所有。
结果我打电话去那实验室，接听电话的资深学生支支吾吾，似乎暗示我的处境不妙。过后我就决定立刻打电话给Oliver说我要那project了，可惜电话没人接。我真的真的很着急，赶紧寄email通知他，希望他在家会查email。那已经是星期四了。

那晚我真的很懊恼，难以入睡，而且病态式地一直刷新我的电邮网页…谢天谢地，结果在我等到半夜12点多时，终于捎来好消息！他说，他很高兴得到我正面的回复，说我一直就是他的首选，他也在等待着我的消息。现在他会推荐我成为他的学生，为我的入学作出安排。哇，我兴奋地立刻打电话给我的女友，半夜三更吵醒她告诉她这振奋人心的好消息（她一直都很关心我，支持我的决定，我真的很感激她）

经过一番波折后，终于尘埃落定。我就这样来到了这里汉诺威。也因为我转换课程的决定，我从中另外得到更多的好处--我的‘薪水’会比其他课程来得高，另外我还有机会到Stockholm生活（这又有额外津贴）。我觉得自己很幸运，因为我认为我做了一个最好的决定。

申请博士班的过程一直都不如意…之前申请了2间英国大学，一间瑞士苏黎世ETH大学，2间德国大学（其中Heidelberg和瑞士的那间还重复申请了一次），甚至奥地利的一间。八间拒绝了我，我仍没有放弃。那些拒绝我的可能只能从纸上评估我，我来到了汉诺威的面试后才发现面试的魅力。过后，在我接受了汉诺威医学院的安排后，才收到瑞士巴塞大学（University of Basel）的面试邀请不过这已太迟了。那也是一件很棒的大学，出产过数位诺贝尔得奖主。

也许很多身边朋友还不知这些故事，我现在说，是因为，我认为这是很好的真实生活故事，值得好好记录下来，并收藏起来。我知道，有时我们会作出不同的决定，有些往往还是很关键的，结果就从此改变了人生。知心好朋友的一句话的影响力，和爱情的力量是无法估计的。我要感谢那些支持我，关心我的人，特别是爱我的人。谢谢！

Deepavali celebration with my Indian floormates

On Saturday, I was invited by my floormates to observe their brief Deepavali ceremony. Then i just decided to go.

I was actually very impressed how they set up their 'worship' place for that night in my student hall party room. The two god features were beautifully hand-drawn by one of my floormates. The decoration of the two lamps up there was also a nice probe.

They lit up the whole building with this small candle light, all the way from our 3rd floor to basement. It is like lighting up the guiding path to the worship place.

Materials prepared for worship ceremony

It is an easy-going process, with music, singing and clapping hands. Indians were in their traditional costume, and 3 Israelis were amongst them.

Party time

...and have fun with fireworks (is that what it is called?)

 

Finally, my photography art piece on the candles they lit on staircase for 4 floors. =)

在汉诺威的生活 Life in Hannover

妈说她要上网来看我的照片，从而探悉我的生活状况。我现在就住在一间学生宿舍，名叫Heidjerhof Studentenwohnheim。它距离我的实验室只有10分钟步程，3分钟脚车路程，价钱便宜和方便。我拥有一间大房间，那是一件非常愉快的事。我必须与同楼的5位房客共享厕所，浴室，和厨房，目前还过得去。早前浴室的下水道堵塞的问题已解决。我们房客都很有默契地，避开大家做饭时间，让各自拥有最大的空间舒适地使用厨房。目前的卫生情况也还过得去。

Mum said she wants to go online to look at my photos (with the brother's assistance), to check out my living conditions (thus i wrote in chinese first). Now i'm staying in a student hall accommodation, which is called 'Heidjerhof Studentenwohnheim. It is located within 10 minute walking distance to my lab, or 3 minute by bike. The rent is quite cheap and location-wise, it is very convenient (to get the transportation to the city centre). I have quite a big room... i never had this size of room for my own before (although it is not so big, compared to those i had stayed before in London, there is no match). The size of room alone, delighted me. However, i have to share the facilities such as toilet, bathroom, and kitchen with 5 other occupants on the same floor. So far it is still ok. The earlier problem our floor had, was the blockade in the sewage pipe in bathroom. But now it was already solved. My floormates are having a good consensus to avoid preparing meal at the same (if possible), so that each of us will have the maximum space for cooking and using the kitchen. The Indians most of the time eat quite late, a Chinese girl has her meal early. So far, the cleanliness in kitchen and elsewhere on my floor are still ok. I'm happy that it is quite unlike what my brother told me about his hallmate Indians in USA.

自从安定在这里后，我就大幅度扩增我的‘所有物’…比如说饭锅，电脑音响系统，打印机，脚车（从我同事那里得来的二手货，因为他女友的父亲爱修理脚车和送人—那可是德国制造的！），煮水器和流动暖气机（快要过冬了）。幸好我的奖学金是在每个月头分发的，我才可以有这样‘挥霍’它的自由。IKEA对学生也是很有帮助，走了购物一圈又解决了不少生活必需品，比如说厨房用具：炒菜锅，煮汤大锅，菜刀，勺子。当然我也添购了站立灯柱（为了安装我从马来西亚带来的白色灯泡，他们西方人不用这种灯泡的）和让我坐得很爽很舒适的旋转式办公椅。

After i was quite settled down here in Hannover, soon i discover myself expanding my belongings in larger scale (also due to the restriction of the stuff i could bring over here from Malaysia, for my first arrival). I bought rice-cooker (many westerners are always puzzle why do we asian need this 'thing', i am sure), computer speaker sound system, printer, bicycle (where i obtained from my colleague's girlfriend's father who enjoys repairing bikes, and gives them to people who need them-- the one i had is Made in Germany...muahaha), water boiler and portable heater (winter's coming soon). Fortunately, my stipend comes early to my rescue... It is supposed to transfer to my account (Deutsche Bank) in the beginning of the month. It is a handsome sum of stipend (of course no taxation), allows me to spend at my disposal (on certain necessities).


I do find IKEA is a very good starting place for shopping to those who just moved into a new place and started new life. Just by walking one round, i already found many things i need, like cooking utensils: wok, pot, knife, spatula, plate and bowl. Other additional things i bought are lamp stand (which allows me to put my special white cool daylight bulb -- that thing you can never get it in Europe, i don't know why... but i feel more comfortable in that white light when reading and doing other activities) and a swirl office chair which let me sit comfortably in front of laptop, lay on my back and head.

我的印尼同事介绍我两间亚洲超市后，也一举解了我的乡愁（食物方面）。想象我最初的几天在这里都只是吃subway的。现在我几乎什么都有了- 米，面，亚洲人的酱料，冷冻鱼和虎虾，新鲜蔬菜，快速面，大碗，茶壶等等，差不多算是应有尽有了，让我爽。这些亚洲食品的价钱比伦敦的来得便宜。我近来几乎每天都下厨，不然我也不知要吃些什么好…你们或许以为我一定会吃很多西餐，尤其是德国餐。我自从抵达至今都不算吃过了德国餐（如果街边卖的德国香肠和食堂里的食物都不算）。我一下厨就一定煮两餐两道菜（晚餐和隔天的午餐便当），因为煮给两个人份量比较划算。

My Indonesian colleague is very kind to show me two asian supermarkets, this effectively cure my homesick (on food). Imagine the first few days in Hannover, i ate only Subway sandwiches. Now i have almost everything i need -- rice, noodles, asian sauces, frozen fishes and tiger prawns, asian fresh vegetables, instant noodles, big bowl, teapot, etc. That's cool. The price here for these asian goodies is cheaper than in London.


These days i am almost cooking everyday, otherwise i don't know what else to eat outside... Maybe some of you think that i must have tasted a lot of western food, especially German food. But nope, since i arrive here, i haven't really enjoyed german food (if german sausage, and those food in canteen i eat once in awhile, not counted). Everytime i cook, i will cook two dishes and two portions for dinner and lunch the next day, thus i can save more money and time. The amount of time used for cooking one portion or two, is the same.

首3个星期，我在实验室里都没有闲着。当中，我学习了不少新的实验技巧。之前的我从来没有做过任何有关动物的实验。在这里，我很常需要老鼠（mouse不是rat）来作实验对象，研究肠道沙门氏菌（Salmonella）的感染（就是那个常造成食物中毒的病菌）。我使用的病菌是已事先被弱化，所以应该不会对我人体有造成病害的风险（除非你把大量的病菌吞了）。在这3个星期里，我已懂得如何比较人道地杀死老鼠（用二氧化碳窒息他们），动手术拿取它的重要器官，比如小肠(small intestine/gut)（最重要的），肝脏(liver)，脾脏（spleen）和小肠与肝脏之间的淋巴结（Mesenteric Lymph node）。我花了一些时间来辨认和技巧地取出这些器官。当然我也必须学会如何抓拿活生生的老鼠，如何定位它在我的手掌上（让他们的头无法转动来咬你）然后‘喂’他们病菌，感染他们。了解这些小动物的习性有助于我的实验。除此之外，我也学会如何准备显微镜实验样本，如何寻找器官位置然后拍摄好显微镜照。

The first 3 weeks, i did not relax in the lab. I learned quite a number of new experimental techniques/skills. Before this, i had never done any animal experiment (i'm talking about real experiment, not those during my high school time cutting live frog). Very frequently i need mice here for experiment, to carry out research on Salmonella infection on mice (yep, Salmonella is the one which quite often involved in food poisoning). But, don't worry, the one in lab i'm using is the attenuated version of Salmonella, will not post any risk to my body, supposedly (unless i swallow a huge amount of the bacteria in the tube).

During these 3 weeks, I learned how to kill a mouse humanely (by suffocating the mouse in a carbon dioxide filled bag... they are put to sleep first before they die), do an operation to remove important organ parts which concerns my research such as small intestine/gut, liver, spleen, and mesenteric lymph node. I spent sometime  trying to identify and recognise them, remember the location of these organs i need. Then i learned how to take out those parts skillfully (in a neat and clean way-- i still have to practise more to achieve this). Besides that, i also need to learn how to handle live mouse, fixing its position firmly in my palm so that their head can't turn (and thus they can't bite me) and 'feed' them with Salmonella intragastrically. Therefore, understanding their behaviour is to my benefits of research. In addition to this, i also picked up new method how to prepare very thinly sliced microscope specimen on a microscope slide, how to find the good view of organs and take  good microscopic images. These are microscopic skills which i do not have much exposure to during my 4 years of undergraduate and master studies.

以下是我这里的生活环境照：
Below are photos on my living conditions:

我的房间（第一个星期）
My room (first week)

我的房间 （第四星期）-- 加了旋转办公椅，打印机，电饭煲，等等


My room (4th week)-- spot the difference!
Addition: Swirl chair, printer, rice cooker, heater and etc.

 




墙上有个德国大地图

That is a big Germany map on the wall, obtained from DAAD brochure.

ei,那两张小照片是什么呢？

把这两张充满回忆的照片挂在墙面，每次经过我就可以看一眼。然后告诉自己要努力读书，因为幸福未来还在等着我（们）。

Loving sweet memories of me and Von yi, hanging on the wall, so that i can see it everytime i pass through ^^ That is to remind myself to work hard, the happiness in future awaits us.

我的床头和橱柜后面的洗手盆

My bed, and the basin which is behind the cupboard.

我的幸运天使在此。我的good luck是由她传过来的。谢谢在大马远方的真正天使！^_^

Barry也在此，他会与我过圣诞节...然后他会与我一起漂洋过海去冰天雪地的地方与心爱的人过那温馨的佳节 =）
My Good Luck angel is here with me, she passes all the luck from my real angel in M'sia. Barry is also here. He will be following me to somewhere out there to share xmas moments with my loved ones.

我宿舍的面貌，和我放脚车的地方。
The outlook of my student hall, and the place where i put my bike.

我的二手脚车，但呈现崭新的面貌。德国脚车的坐垫很高，即使调到最低还是高。

My second-hand bike, but looks quite new. The seat pad is quite high for german bike. Even i adjusted to the lowest position, it is still high.

你看，是德国制造的,没有骗你的。

You see, this is Made In Germany, no joke.

我房间外面的走廊。我的房间是左手边第一间。同楼的还有5位住客。

The corridor of my floor. My room is the first one on the left. There are 5 more tenants on this floor.

我那楼的公用客厅，也是厨房的一部分。
Common area on my floor, is also part of the kitchen.

厨房和用具 （对不起，手震动，用手机拍的）
Kitchen and utensils (sorry for blur image, taken by handphone camera with my shaky hand)

实验室办公室。平时很拥挤，因为我导师的研究小组可不小。
Lab office. Normally it was very crowded but not when i was taking this picture (they all left). My supervisor's group is not small.

我的实验室部分面貌（我的工作台其实在这一排的后面）
Part of my lab. My working lab desk is at the back of this row.

老鼠实验（不是我做的实验）。这些老鼠等着被我的同事从尾巴打针。开红灯，是让这些老鼠温热，待他们血管膨胀后，再动手打针。
我的实验要从他们的口腔注射病菌， 不需要红灯。

Mice experiment (not mine). These mice are waiting for my colleague to inject them with syringe from their tail. Red light is switched on, is to warm up the mice. Wait until their blood vessels are dilated , then it's time to take action.
My experiment usually require to feed the mice with bacteria from mouth, therefore red light is not needed.

与我要好的印尼同事Usri。他不好意思看镜头 。照片正中下端的那个小灰箱，是用来困着老鼠，还有个缝让老鼠尾巴露出。这样就很方便打针了。
My fellow Indonesian colleague Usri. Ok, he is not so easy with the camera.
The little grey box at the bottom centre of the picture, is used to trap a mouse. There is a slit in the middle of box to let its tail out. Therefore it is easier to inject.

彩虹出现在我实验室办公室外 ^^ 我真的想乘着那道彩虹往我思念的方向飞去。

Rainbow outside my lab office. How i wish rainbow as a gateway to teleport to place which i miss the most. You must enjoy the rain first then the rainbow.

足够给两个人的晚餐，谁想要我每天的厨艺服务呢？;-)
有人说，我很适合做住家男人。而我觉得我就是。
Dinner for two, any takers?

汉诺威市中心大街上一个很有创意的卖德国香肠的生意点子。我已有两次‘帮衬’他们了。
There is a very creative idea to sell german sausage, on a main street in Hannover city centre. I'd twice bought the sausage from them.

我很遗憾自己还没有真正出去游览汉诺威市的景点（虽然也没有什么非去不可）。届时我有照片，会放上我的部落格。 

谢谢你们的关心，我在这里很安好，生活得很舒适 =）

I'm regret to say that i have not really sightseeing around Hannover (although there are probably nothing really you must come to Hannover and see). If i do have pictures next time i will post it here in my blog.

Thanks for your concern, i'm fine here. My life is good in Hannover =)

语言与生活

不知不觉我已在汉诺威第3个星期了，基本上生活也开始可以定下来了。也许以前在英国留学过的经验可以帮助我在这个一开始完全陌生的城市，展开新生活，能适应了。虽说语言环境很大不同，我会尽我的努力好好地融入他们，练好我的德语。我的直属学姐每天尝试对我练习几句德语，基本上我还听得懂（如果他们说慢些，和尽量用较简单的字样）。我同楼的屋友，有一个是越南人，也只会（一点点）德语，我们都沟通得很辛苦，因为我很难听懂他越南音的德语。还有我‘被逼’用德语与我宿舍的主管沟通--这里上了年纪的工作人员通常他们的英语都不行。办理任何官方的事务我都害怕他们不懂英语；我收到任何公函都是德文的。有时都懒得一字一句去读了，大概扫描一下，用我的有限德语去理解内容（最好不要叫我打电话回复他们）。还好我的银行deutsche bank和手机网络公司O2已走向国际了，至少还有专属讲英语的职员来服务我。


说真的，在马来西亚接触到的英文字的机会还比在这里多。很多广告，公函都还是以英语书写的，顾客服务都有设英语专线。所以我有一个感觉普遍上大马人的英语会话能力凌驾于德国人。我们国人学习英语的时候还比德国人早，他们差不多在初中时才开始学习外语的。为什么我们的英语（尤其是大专生）还会差呢？英语差，还不是全部的问题，更重要的是，为什么我们的国家语言（马来语）完全没有学术上的竞争力？德国，法国，日本甚至中国人都可以用他们自己的语言出版有素质的学术论文，而我们不能呢？我看到我的学哥学姐都用德语来写实验报告，我有点遗憾，因为我不能。不过德国人学术界的英语水平并不比他们的母语逊色，也不是我们很多目前坐在大专院校担任教授和讲师能比得上的。可见他们的双语教育（母语+外语）是成功的，可以双语能力平起平坐。当然，英语是他们的‘工作语言’，一般时间的沟通就不会用英语—比如说，午餐时间，他们一大班德国人一起聚集吃午餐，不会因为里面有几个非德国人就换英语…我的学姐说，午餐时间‘要听她的’。


语言可以代表一个国家、民族的自信。语言的成熟度也可以反映出他们的思想的进步。惯用的生活语言可以塑造社会文化。我的哥哥常批评挑剔马来语的问题，就在于马来语拥有太多负面论述（negative connotation/statement）,尤其是在俚语（peribahasa）（比如说：setinggi tupai lompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga）和日常生活的惯用语言（relek, lepak, senang/susah, cukup makan, etc）。我也多次与我哥对此辩论。我认为，这可以是非关语言（因为每个语言一定有负面论述存在于词汇和俚语里），但是主流正面进步的论述必须存在，进而带动和影响社会的价值观，从而改变文化。另一方面，我同意哥哥的看法，在于常把负面（不积极）论述挂在嘴边，甚至已潜移默化成为思想的一部分，一个民族是不会有太大的进步空间。太过容易自我满足，今朝有酒今朝醉，想吃免费午餐，抄捷径/找便宜却不肯脚踏实地地耕耘等等思想现象，或许我们在马来西亚都不会陌生。在生意合约上，我在政府部门打过工，不难看到常常上府来找吃的承包商徘徊在权势部门的门口等合约。在大学出路上，我也常听朋友说很多友族同胞在找工方面怠慢不急不慌，因为他们说他们毕业后总可以在政府部门里找到工。在政治上，总是有几方人马，上瘾玩数字游戏，喜欢玩弄手段抓青蛙，却又不积极做好基层组织，好好经营政党和干练党工，铺陈和宣扬政治理念。为何这些政治人物体现出他们短见的一面，而不从长计议放眼春秋大业，脚踏实地做好执政准备？另一方面在马来媒体上，他们却很狂热‘捍卫’马来人的权宜和‘正当’的生活方式，同时发表了很多似是而非，保守，抗拒改变的思想。我不明白为什么一定要用非友即敌，人种/种族角度来看待问题而模糊了理性价值观认知和万分阻扰理性讨论和辩论？这些都是我的困惑。


我的分析是，在一个一党专制的国家，理性是可以扭曲的，因为只有权威的论述可以宣扬，其他非权威的话必须被打压。所以回到语言这一方面，你认为在这种由上而下的制度，学术如何百花齐放？语言要如何进步，如果积极正面，理性的真话或论述终究要被打压？权威要打压其他言论，因为他们对自己的论述缺乏自信。空洞，有时接近非理性，缺乏自信的语言和主流论述，有怎么能带领国家繁荣进步呢？是的，我还是会说，这非关语言，而是人民一定要打破权威的迷失，突破压抑性社会文化和消极错乱的价值观。

My Merdeka Message

I wear black today, that's how i celebrate Merdeka Day, for the love of my nation. 1BlackMalaysia is for real patriots who care about our country so much and willing to change for better. Only by revealing the dark side of 1Malaysia's hypoc...rites and putting forward new ideas & reform agenda, this country can move forward! I want Malaysia merdeka from oppressive authoritarian, corruption and draconian laws!

Thanks for Everything

Sorry for the little awkward speech during the dinner which i came unprepared for... Yep, i learned that my public speech is still not good yet, maybe need to be forced like YB's way. =)

First of all, i really want to thank my boss and my mentor, Eli. She has inspired me and made me believe that this beloved beautiful country called Malaysia still have hopes when we have YBs like her. She transformed me from Mild Green to Dark Green now, convinced me that my home state Selangor under the ruling of Pakatan Rakyat things can only change for better when the there are political will and vision like hers and MB's in terms of social justice & equality, racial harmony, environmental care. She is very determine to push for policies which are good & much needed to my home state, doing a very good job in her portfolio.
I'm always proud of her, and wish every YB has something common like her to serve the people sincerely. She has my respect as a politician, disproves the common saying that 'every crow is black in politicians)

Next, i would like to thank my 'big brother' Khai Loon who brought me into this position (Special Assistant). I always look up to him since DEMA years, be a great role model for every activist in social movement. He always have lots of energy and passionate in his job, especially good in HR and organising works. Thanks KL for introducing me to this job! I've learned a lot from you too. All the best, our future YB. =)

Bai Qi a.k.a. whiteflag is our 'Chief of staffs'. She has the office under control, and keeps the agenda/schedule going. She is a person you can seriously trust. Although she is quite busy and under stress often in office (until it is quite obvious on her face), she is very reasonable, friendly person who you can tell jokes to. There were times where i did something wrong in procedure, she gave me good advice and i learned much more from mistakes.

Brian, our new Poster boy in office, made famous through a movie (by Yasmin Ahmad) and a few videos which impress us and make us so proud when sharing the same office with you (haha). He is a very talented guy. He is also quite a steady cool guy in handling every case. I can hardly see him panic. He is quite relax in the office, listening to nice music during office hours (just like me, haha) - this shows that music can increase productivity (ok, Bai Qi? haha)

Kai Yit, the new guy in office, already extending his 'influence' just by being tall (Jenita, it is not nice to call her that nickname la :P). From quite the same background he and i sharing, i'm pretty sure he can handle the job quite well and be an excellent assistant to you, Eli. Besides Shao Loong, the office needs someone who is scientifically trained like him especially when handling and understanding environmental cases. Well done my friend in just over two weeks you are here. Nani and Jenita, please don't bully him ya? ;-P

These two Nani and Jenita are my best mates in office, hehe. Because of the large open-air environment encouraging more interactions, sure I find them closer to me. Nani adalah cikgu BM ku. Biasanya saya murid yang baik, cuma kadang-kala membuat kesilapan dalam bahasa saja dan menyusahkan mu untuk membuat pembetulan. Cikgu, minta maaf, jangan rotan ya? Saya akan memperbaiki BM saya. Jenita, is the first Orang Asal friend of mine who enjoys KFC so much (strangely, for coleslaw not for chicken). I’m very impressed that she always get inspiration to do work from eating or/and playing her hair..haha! She always look much younger than her age, although I realize her age can be my ‘big sister’ already (but please don’t bully me, ya? Now you have Kai Yit. Kakaka)

Chuan Boon and Yee Ling from DUN office, although I don’t work directly with you, I appreciate our friendship and thank you for being nice friends to me. Din, kerja kamu mesti sangat penat sehingga banyak kali di pejabat, saya ‘ternampak’ kamu ambil rehat (read: tidur). Saya amat terkagum dengan tekad abang dalam usaha anti-rasuah, selepas menonton video klip yang ditunjukkan mu semasa di GERAK dulu. Jangan sekali-kala belajar dari Saudara Ezam yang tidak berazam punya. Lawan tetap lawan!

Shao Loong, I admire your wide and in-depth knowledge in many areas. You are good researcher and this office needs you for studies in policies (I admit that I don’t think I can understand you all the time).You are indeed a social activist which contributes to much of the good causes in civil society. I respect that.
Keep growing your hair until you break the record in the category ‘longest male hair’ in Malaysia book of records! =P jk

To my lunchmates, you know I always looking forward to have lunch with you all when the time is right (just check the presence of Kim Boon in our office can tell). Lunchtime is definitely one of the highlights of the day for me. Kim Boon, Ginie and Beng Hock, thank you for good company and good memories (BH, I know you must be listening somewhere there, rest assure that you will always be in my memories). Kim Boon and Ginie, sure I will be looking for you all for meals when I come back from Germany each time. Kim Boon, you are indeed a good storyteller, I’ll be lucky if I were your children listening to your stories – any children for political stories, please? ;-)


Wah, this ‘thank you’ message is already damn long, but not all words have been expressed from my heart. I will keep you guys in my heart. Thank you for being so nice to me although it is just a 8-month (--) stay for me. I enjoyed my stay very much, it could be the best time in my life.

A lot of things also happened during these 8 months, some of which I wished it did not happen. Well, I have opened my eyes wide and have the experience of observing and ‘running’ political errands. I learned a lot in how to deal things and handle cases, professionally and efficiently.

Thanks for everything, all the best in all your undertakings! I will still support you all from afar. YB and future YBs, don’t worry, I will still campaign for you guys through web if I could not be physically present there on the ground during General Election (you know I wish I could be there, see how it goes).

See you (tomorrow, last day)!!!

Chee Han

P/s: Next up, a change in FEDERAL government! (sorry for scaring you guys by omitting the ‘federal’ just now during dinner)

P/s 2: I quite like the suggested title for a proposed event, in the meeting: Bukit Lanjan: leading the CHANGE. =)

P/s 3: I will be leaving on 22nd September, long time to go yet...So, save your tears, haha!

My wild imagination...

I wonder if last September 16, Anwar did seize the power of federal govt...
Do my friend Teoh Beng Hock still have to die?
Will there be any need to hold anti-ISA rally like today?

I know it is not democratic and unethical to change government by defections, but today's situation is really saddening me... how i wish Anwar did succeed last time!

PR has to do more political groundworks, if they really determine to eye for Putrajaya.
Najib leads his empire strikes back already!!!

A political war is escalated and erupted!!!

珍惜身边人

除了为民主正义而奋斗，明福的事件也教我更要好好珍惜身边人--要保护自己和保护自己所爱的人。

生气吧，马来西亚人！

以下这篇文章真的铿锵有力，真的很久很久都没有读到那么让我情绪波动的那么厉害的文章了。
我已不知不觉读过了好几遍。

我真的那么想，凡是每场补选大选，我们都应该广传这篇文章（翻译去其他语文都可以）。让那些还有那么一点自尊心的人读了后，如果还会去投腐败烂权至极的天秤国阵一票，那么我们亲爱的国家前途真的真的会很灰。

还有，民联你必需要多多争气自强，不要辜负人民对你的期望。

谢谢国华和欧阳文风牧师的这篇文章。
字字句句入我心坎，i couldn't agree more with this!


转载自廖国华的部落格 (http://inbetweenconfusion.blogspot.com/)

生气吧，马来西亚人！

20多年前，当我是大学新生的时候，龙应台的书《野火集》里那篇《生气吧，中国人！》给了我很大的启示。对社会乱象不生气是姑息养奸。多少罪恶就在我们的沉默下不断的发生。

不要期待英雄，因为有一个英雄，就必有一群懦夫。只有大多数人不沉默，我们本来就无需英雄。
--鲍鹏山，新说水浒

Always standing up when standing is not easy.
--Street Fighter, the legend of Chu-Li

生气吧，马来西亚人！

转载欧阳文风牧师的文章，《华人笨蛋！》。

我已经很久没有这么生气了。

早上在纽约读到赵明福死的新闻，还有反贪污委员会的反应，加上政府高官如纳兹里的言论，我对我的国家彻底失望！
接下来，再在〈独立新闻在线〉读到陈文华揭露如何被反贪委员会盘问，调查官员极尽恐吓威胁之能事；如此对待一名市议员，甚至比犯人也不如，这个国家是极权的共产主义国度吗？

更糟糕的竟然还是调查官员不允许陈文华坐着「协助调查」（这是好听说词，哪有人如此对待协助者），还指着他的眉心，开口大骂他「CINA BODOH!」。

一名市议员被调查官员以如此种族主义的字眼谩骂，如果这个官员不被对付，你以为这个国家可能对一般华人平民有多好？

基宫案无声无息，反贪委员却忙着调查欧阳捍华、刘永山、郭素沁、黄洁冰、杨巧双、谢永贤、李宝霖，对了，还有赵明福。这些人不是
不能调查，但更明目张胆的基宫案到底是怎么一回事？一名牙医到底有甚么本事兴建壮观如皇宫般的住家，一扇门就可以等于一幢单层排屋的价格，钱从哪里来？明显的问题不查，却敲锣打豉查几个年轻的民联议员，这是甚么意思？

反贪污委员会到底是反民联，还是反贪污？

更甚的是，竟然骂陈文华「华人笨蛋」？！反贪委员会这是一个怎么病态的组织？！

不过，或许他骂得对，或许华人真的是笨蛋！否则，怎么可能默默忍受这种侮辱？

华人真的可能是笨蛋，明知贪官那么多，明知马华民政当家不当权，还有华人支持马华民政，还有华人投票支持国阵。

华人真的很有可能是笨蛋，种族主主义横行，马华民政到底做了甚么？有官员骂华人市议员是笨蛋，马华民政的声音在哪里？可我们的华社会还有人笨到以为马华民政是我们的希望。这种华人不够笨吗？

华人真的非常有可能是笨蛋，安华当年的黑眼圈，马哈迪说他是自己打自己，真的有人相信，一大把一大把的选票就这样给了当年的马哈迪和国阵，根本不理马哈迪是怎么以种种恶法治国。许多华裔优秀学生进不了大学，拿不到外国深造奖学金，马来人却没有这种问题。这是种族主义，还不够明显吗？笨蛋！

可是面对种种不公平的政策，动不动国阵还有人拿出５１３来吓选民，可还有华人还是支持国阵，这些华人不是笨蛋又是甚么？

华人是笨蛋？！

真的，我越来越怀疑马来西亚有许许多多的华人是笨蛋。懦弱、无知、贪生怕死、欺善怕恶、别人施舍一点甜头，就晕头转向，只想赚钱，只想发财，有奶就是娘，这种人不是蠢才笨蛋又是甚么？

醒醒吧！如果这时候还不醒，还不辨是非，还不反抗，真是彻头彻尾的经典超级大笨蛋！

悼念明福

T. Beng Hock名字在我办公室的电话荧幕闪着闪着，当时我接听：‘嘿，Eli的ADUN(州议员)办公室有没有被搜查？’‘ermm…应该没有’‘快去通知你老板，今早他们(MACC)已到我们的选区办公室来搜查了。嘿嘿，他们找不到任何东西，因为files全在我手上了’‘ok，好的，我会现在通知依霖（选区助理）’

没想到那就是我最后一次听到他的声音，接听他得电话了…如今T. Beng Hock名字已再也不会出现在caller ID 了。那天下午就知道他被反贪局带走去问话了，没想到另一天却惊闻此悲剧…

他是我们一起吃午餐的最好伙伴，同楼同事。他平时很忙，有时得空时还是会与我们吃饭。我们都很开心。他驾着苹果青的Toyota Avanza大辆的车可以一次载多人，所以也很受欢迎。 白琦常喜欢笑着追问他，几时才可以发‘红炸弹’（结婚请柬），他通常都会拿凯伦来成为推搪/转移话题的借口。想不到我们差不多要等到了那天，他却先早走了一步。

我们都常视凯伦和他为未来的准YB，就叫他以后当了YB别忘了我们，来找我们吃饭。我还曾问他想要出战到哪里。他开玩笑回答说霹雳九洞，因为可以稳胜。

最后一次一起吃午餐，是在大约两个星期前，我们在办公室为了‘欢送’卸任的凯伦而举办的KFC大餐。他假装摆出架子说，他在这里是客人，要我们为他准备好杯子和饮品。我们虽然互相‘酸’了一番，凯伦还是去准备了给他，我也‘敬’了他一杯可乐。他招牌式的爽朗笑声感染了我们，如今只能成为追忆往事了。

记得大约8天前在YB郭素沁特设给台商的晚宴上，与他同桌。他代表YB欧阳捍华出席。由于也是同桌的一名马来记者听不懂华语致词，他好心地以一口流利的马来文协助翻译演讲的摘要。我与他交谈，虽然他还未提及婚姻事宜，却关心地问我的去向。我说会在九月尾出国深造到德国。他半认真的口吻问我几次‘我可以去找你吗？’我不知是否是开玩笑。当时宴席完毕，我们一起走出Concorde酒店大门就这样道别了。那也是我与他最后一次的见面谈话了。现在连再见的机会都没有了。

明福啊，你安息吧！我们这里在找出事情真相还你清白公道之前是不会休息的！我们不会让你的性命平白牺牲，你的血不会白流的！你的勇敢，正义和骨气不向恶势力妥协可能造成了你的平白之冤，但是你的性命却唤醒了这国家许许多多人对民主正义的追求，对严重失信和偏差的政府机构的追究！是可忍，孰不可忍。

１个黑色马来西亚．

明福（后排右一）与我全体办公室的同事合照--那天是依霖的生日。

明福（后排左一）在一个欢送种佳（YB 颜贝倪前助理）的肉骨茶午餐。